Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I just gargled with NyQuil
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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