I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
