another moral hangover. fuck.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I skipped work to stalk him.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
