Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
