Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
