new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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