I wish I could punch you in the face.
Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
