If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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