I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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