I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
