Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize