so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Randomize
