i'm lost and i look like a hooker
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
