I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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