Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
