i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize
