I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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