Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
