Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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