Im at strip club and am horny
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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