I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
