I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
