FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
