So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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