every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
