Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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