In the future we'll all be gay
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
