five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Please don't give away my fajitas
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
