i would punch a child for taco bell
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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