Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
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