A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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