Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
