i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Apparently you make a good broom.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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