I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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