I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
