i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
