So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
