I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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