FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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