I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
