I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
