What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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