OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
