things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
