I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
