ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
