i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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