he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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