I must be too annoying 4 u.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
