Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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