It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
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