3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
