You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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