i wish there were pregnant emoticons
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
