hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
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