here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
