I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize