But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
