dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Randomize
