When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
