summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
