i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
