Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
These tits shall not be calmed
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
