we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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