Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
