ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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