So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
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