just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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