Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
