My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
